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Monday, 1 December 2003
Hollow
Ive been sitting here for days
Lips all cracked and dryed by the sun
Ive been thinking just like before
About the last couple of nights
When I was lost in my drunkeness
And the reasons why I try anymore
I cant seem to get anything right
Maybe what my mother said was true
Id never be good at anything I do
Maybe theres a reason I suffer everyday
With a pain that I can not explain
Hollowness in me stirs up no feeling
They wonder why I am so dysfunctional
They wonder why I cut myself deep
They blame me for there problems
People coming in and out of my life
They brought their baggage with them and handed it to me
You say you raised me but your a liar
The damage you have done will be with me forever
A hollowness I will never get rid of
I dont have the will to live
Im here for everyone else
If I wasnt then I would have took my life the second I was old enough to know how
If I can heal it will take the rest of my life to get well
The only thing that was good in me was the heart I was born with
I care about people enough to stay here
Because I know that if I were to leave I would hurt everyone who really cared
I can remember as far back as 3 when all I used to see was you with your nose caked with coke
We would run from house to house hiding from your current boyfriend
If he found us he would kill us both
Hollowness in me stirs up no feeling
They wonder why I am so dysfunctional
They wonder why I cut myself deep
They blame me for there problems
I guess I have never been all that I could
I didnt have much of a choice when I was forced to act like a 30 year old when I was 5
The memories haunt me every night when I try to go to bed
1986-1999 were the most misery filled years I have ever experienced
I can still remember what was constantly playing on the radio in the house
Rod Stewart's Da Ya Think Im sexy, The Cure, Duran Duran and Depeche Mode
Maybe someday I will escape those memories but until then I cant be stable
Hollowness in me stirs up no feeling
They wonder why I am so dysfunctional
They wonder why I cut myself deep
They blame me for there problems
Posted by heartagram66684
at 3:44 PM EST
Saturday, 22 November 2003
ILL NEVER BE
I know Ill never be
What you want to be
I know you dont think about me much
Thats ok
Ive never been much of a people person
I guess I never will
If you dont like me join the club
I guess I was never liked much
Im at a loss for words right now
I wish I could find myself
You deserve better then me
Im keeping you from being free
I guess its the way it will always be
I hope maybe you can see
This is what its like inside of me
The only reason why Im here
Is because I know some people care
If I were to leave this place
Im sure some might remember my face
Posted by heartagram66684
at 5:01 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 1 December 2003 3:48 PM EST
Wednesday, 12 November 2003
This is for a school project, and this is also a way to express myself when I need to clear my head. Today, I felt like shit all day, I started feeling sick, and I had a wicked bad fever. Im tired and really feel like this week will never end. Usually I need something to look foward to, which this week I have something to look foward to. The Cradle Of Filth show on Friday night. And also seeing Jen on the weekends. Usually thats all I have to look foward to. But who knows what will happen after Friday night this week.
Posted by heartagram66684
at 7:00 PM EST
A Life To Call My Own
This is a song I wrote today.
When I was young
I was always alone
With no friends to call my own
I had to teach myself
How to learn to be
Dependent on my own, and how to be free
I would lay down at night
And fantasize about being alright
I am gonna learn to be myself
Im gonna learn to be alright
And now as I get older
I see what I never saw before
A life to call my own
For the first time I can be myself
And I dont want to go back
Posted by heartagram66684
at 6:54 PM EST
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